Pro Tip : Faking It 04/28/2010

A coworker I occasionally give dating advice to came into my office this morning and demanded to know why it has taken him so long to find a great girl. Before I could begin he interrupted. And since I just found her, why now? I’m leaving for graduate school soon! I shifted in my chair. Rocked lightly side to side. And then lifted my shoulders in response.

“Just enjoy every day you have with her,” I said. “You never know what will happen.”

He seemed disappointed in my response. And I won’t lie, I was too. Usually I feel like I give pretty solid advice. Usually I feel like I know what I am talking about. Or can at least fake it. But this time was different. This time, I kind of know exactly what he is talking about. And I don’t really want to know the answer either.

By kmm | Posted in Conversations, Dating, Tips | Comments (2)

New Target : DC boys 04/13/2010

They walk with purpose. Toting coffee cups and courier bags slung across crisp button down shirts. They are athletes shrouded in three piece suits. DC boys pass wearing that “I’m about to do something very important” look on their faces. So what if they’re just going to order a sandwich? You know that whatever comes out of their mouths will be decisive and manly: cheeseburger, medium rare, to go. (And no, they don’t ask if it’s organically farmed cheese beforehand.) They read the newspaper. They know where to locate the sports section. And they have an opinion on the nuclear summit. It might even differ from yours. The most daring thing they do all day might be to tie on a pair of green Chucks after 5, or cross to the pub without the pedestrian walk sign. And you kind of love them for that.

By kmm | Posted in New Target | Tagged | Comments (0)

Being Honest 04/01/2010

Boy: She broke it off. She just said I’m a really good guy and she just didn’t feel that ‘spark.’ What’s wrong with you people – why can’t you be man enough to provide a more specific reason?

What I thought: When someone asks, “Why don’t you want to be with me?” you never tell them the real reason. Or do you? Do you say, because the thought of kissing you makes me react. Physically. But in a bad way. Because you keep recycling the same bad jokes. Do you actually tell them, I hate your tube socks? And the way you brush your teeth. Your toenails are funky. Your pants are too short, your hair is too long. You never remember when I tell you something, you always laugh at the wrong time. And I don’t want to hold your hand. God no! If you have a soul, a heart, some common decency, you simply say, “You’re great, but I just don’t feel that ‘spark.’” That is a nice way of being honest without mean. Of saying, it’s not me, it’s you. And it will never be you.

What I said: I think she was being honest when she said she didn’t feel a spark. And I tell you what. I don’t think you felt one either. I think you wanted to feel one. And that my friend, is a very big difference. This is all progress. I know it doesn’t seem like it. But dating is trying other people on. Walking around in their shadows. Seeing if it works. It’s hard. And scary. And you’re doing wonderful.

And I meant every word.

By kmm | Posted in Conversations, Ramblings | Comments (0)

Four Words 03/18/2010

So there is this boy at my work. Stop right there. This isn’t going where you think. Anyhow, there is this boy. And he is lovely – smart and precise, kind and witty. And not bad looking. The boy works with spreadsheets and gets nervous in front of cute girls. I’ve seen it – he shakes. He also dresses like an old man and is 26. And he is looking for someone to love. Naturally, I am trying to help. I give him dating advice and try to encourage him as much as I can.

He came in this morning wearing new jeans and a fitted blue sweater and I dare say he looked handsome. Turns out two girls from the office took him clothes shopping the night before. “I need help,” he had said. Now he was nervous about his debut. I noticed the lack of pleated pant fronts. It was a good look for him. And I wanted to tell him so. But he was either caught in meetings or on the phone when I wasn’t. At the end of the day I jotted a message on a Post It and slapped it on his desk while he discussed page views and stats to the demanding person on the line. His eyes scanned over these four words: “You look nice today!”

He immediately blushed and smiled. That made my day.

By kmm | Posted in Encounters | Comments (0)

After it Ends 03/10/2010

When you have your sights on someone it’s normal to find yourself daydreaming about chance encounters with them. You fantasize about bumping into each other on street corners. In the grocery store. Your local coffee shop. And, of course, your doorstep. Well this almost never happens. That would be too perfect. The reverse occurs once you and that someone go from a something to a nothing. You find yourself having nightmare scenarios of the day you do bump into him. Unexpectedly, with no makeup on. Because you will. It’s a fact about breakups. That, and how the girl will always look better than the guy afterward – they drink, we exercise and get new haircuts. It’s science people. Anyhow. I had one of those these encounters today. While running. And it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I hope he thought so too.

By kmm | Posted in Encounters, Ex Encounters, General Stalking, Ramblings | Comments (1)

The Heartbreaker – 12am 02/28/2010

There are just some people who find their way into the crawl space in your heart and squat there. I am not really sure how they find their way inside. But they do and they never ask permission to stay. People like The Heartbreaker just set up camp and live there in your absence, occasionally poking at your ribs to let you know it’s freezing in here, would you mind turning up the heat? Sometimes you manage to reclaim the space. Clean up their mess and replace the locks. You go out on dates and find a someone else you consider unlocking the door for. But three months later, there he is. Eating your chips and asking why you left the back door open again. Anyone could get in. You’ve got to be more careful.

And so you just hang your head knowing that there is something comforting about how easily it is for this person to come back into your world. How he knows just where you keep the chocolate and which steps creak just so. And there is something kind of devastating when you get used to his presence and the day you go upstairs to hand over your spare key and find only cobwebs and a boarded up room. Even though he says he hasn’t taken up residency with anyone else, you wonder where he goes in between visits. And if he kind of misses you too.

By kmm | Posted in Conversations, General Stalking | Tagged | Comments (0)

New Target : The Biker Guy 02/26/2010

I first noticed The Biker Guy about six months ago. Actually, I noticed his pants. They seemed a little too flamboyant, his hair a little too disheveled, his courier bag a little too ironic. I thought he was trying a little too hard. It irked me that he was so attractive. Naturally, I started seeing him everywhere. On the bus. On the Caltrain. On Haight Street. We always seemed to be in the same place and he never seemed to recognize me. From conversations he had with other people I learned The Biker was a Red Sox fan. Who was funny. And just plain cool. I was sold.

I began plotting ways to get him to talk to me. But instead of sitting next to him on the train I would walk by silently scolding myself. On the platform I would put in my earbuds, play with my phone, and promptly ignore him. I was doomed to fail! And then it rained. While tying on a plastic bag to cover my bike seat the other night I was interrupted by someone asking: “Is your seat still wet from this morning?”

Frazzled I looked up. It was The Biker. And he was smiling! We had a brief exchange where I managed not to embarrass myself too much. Something about being prepared and three changes of underwear. Wait. Maybe I did embarrass myself. Anyhow, my point is this: sometimes getting caught in the rain is the best thing that can happen to you.

By kmm | Posted in General Stalking, New Target | Tagged | Comments (0)

Yellow Shoes – 10:45pm 02/23/2010

I don’t know what made me think of Yellow Shoes. He hasn’t been in my thoughts for a while but somehow, on this day, I began to entertain the idea of meeting him for a drink. If you recall, we met at a place of mutual interest a few times until becoming “friends” on Facebook. The timing was wrong and nothing ever came of a proper date. Out of curiosity, I thought I would open that gate again and send him a message.

But… WTF. He “unfriended me” — Really? I can understand this act if we went out and I turned out to be a horrible person. I can understand it if we dated and broke up and everyone’s heart got all tangled up in this web of lies and misery. But none of that happened. Seems a bit dramatic, no? Well thank goodness an obvious disaster was averted. What if all that stuff did happen? I’d probably be dead. So thank you Facebook. Thank you for inadvertently helping me dodge a bullet.

By aqm | Posted in General Stalking, Missed Target | Tagged | Comments (1)

Happy Valentines Day 02/14/2010

By aqm | Posted in General Stalking, Status Update | Comments (0)

Status update : kmm 02/12/2010

Old school dating is not a whirlwind of sexy. It is not making out on a city side street at 2am. It is not sending deviant text messages back and forth all night from across town. I know this. Old school dating is polite. Slower. And maybe for some of you, a little boring. Old school dating is filled with “May I pick you up laters?” and “I am looking forward to seeing yous” and goodnight messages to make sure you are home safe.

Old school dating is spending all evening with someone learning who they are, where they come from, and where they hope to go next. Exploring the differences and finding common ground to tread upon between courses. I like taking things slow. It gives both of you time to make big verbal mistakes and see how the other rebounds. To discover that he gave up on baseball 20 years ago and you have no desire to go back to school and match his four degrees.

Old school dating is taking things one date at a time, not ruling anything out or counting anything in. It is learning who this stranger is and what role he will play in your life. And it is just being happy the first time he reaches down and holds your hand in the dark.

By kmm | Posted in Dating, Status Update | Comments (2)