After years of tussling with the idea of online dating, a girl friend recently came to terms with the concept. She enlisted me to help write her profile, snap her picture, and upload everything she wants in another human being onto her hard drive and into the ether for all the world to see.
I was thrilled. Her profile was smart, funny, and representative of her. I know – because I wrote it. I envisioned a few flirtations. A few winks from creepers out of her age group. A handful of false starts over coffee. One or two, you-seem-nice-buts … and then boom: boyfriend! That was over a month ago. During our check in last week she confessed things weren’t going as well as she’d hoped.
HER: I wind up hitting delete a lot.
I thought maybe she was just being too critical, or expecting too much. But then I listened. In my mind, the online world was teeming with smart, attractive, interesting people who just haven’t met their other. Nice guys and girls who were just victims of bad timing. What I didn’t really consider was: it’s the same dating pool -just online – and stocked with the same disappointments, the same creepers, the same rejections.
And as she explained the winners who had contacted her of late I realized she was still fighting the same good fight – just online. The same dudes trolling the bars were scrolling profiles. The same crazies just had another touch point. The click of a button just made it easier to ignore them. However, I also realized how easy it was to dismiss a decent guy or gal over a bad photo or a typo. How easy they get lost amidst the winks from the hell-no’s and the are-you-kidding-mes. You just have to be patient. I told her so.
HER: K, the last guy who responded wore a superhero costume…
And sometimes you have to know when to just shut up.