After it ends 03/10/2010

When you have your sights on someone it’s normal to find yourself daydreaming about chance encounters with them. You fantasize about bumping into each other on street corners. In the grocery store. Your local coffee shop. And, of course, your doorstep. Well this almost never happens. That would be too perfect. The reverse occurs once you and that someone go from a something to a nothing. You find yourself having nightmare scenarios of the day you do bump into him. Unexpectedly, with no makeup on. Because you will. It’s a fact about breakups. That, and how the girl will always look better than the guy afterward – they drink, we exercise and get new haircuts. It’s science people. Anyhow. I had one of those these encounters today. While running. And it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I hope he thought so too.

By kmm | Posted in Encounters, Ex Encounters, General Stalking, Uncategorized | Comments (0)

The Heartbreaker – 12am 02/28/2010

There are just some people who find their way into the crawl space in your heart and squat there. I am not really sure how they find their way inside. But they do and they never ask permission to stay. People like The Heartbreaker just set up camp and live there in your absence, occasionally poking at your ribs to let you know it’s freezing in here, would you mind turning up the heat? Sometimes you manage to reclaim the space. Clean up their mess and replace the locks. You go out on dates and find a someone else you consider unlocking the door for. But three months later, there he is. Eating your chips and asking why you left the back door open again. Anyone could get in. You’ve got to be more careful.

And so you just hang your head knowing that there is something comforting about how easily it is for this person to come back into your world. How he knows just where you keep the chocolate and which steps creak just so. And there is something kind of devastating when you get used to his presence and the day you go upstairs to hand over your spare key and find only cobwebs and a boarded up room. Even though he says he hasn’t taken up residency with anyone else, you wonder where he goes in between visits. And if he kind of misses you too.

By kmm | Posted in Conversations, General Stalking, Uncategorized | Tagged | Comments (0)

New Target : The Biker Guy 02/26/2010

I first noticed The Biker Guy about six months ago. Actually, I noticed his pants. They seemed a little too flamboyant, his hair a little too disheveled, his courier bag a little too ironic. I thought he was trying a little too hard. It irked me that he was so attractive. Naturally, I started seeing him everywhere. On the bus. On the Caltrain. On Haight Street. We always seemed to be in the same place and he never seemed to recognize me. From conversations he had with other people I learned The Biker was a Red Sox fan. Who was funny. And just plain cool. I was sold.

I began plotting ways to get him to talk to me. But instead of sitting next to him on the train I would walk by silently scolding myself. On the platform I would put in my earbuds, play with my phone, and promptly ignore him. I was doomed to fail! And then it rained. While tying on a plastic bag to cover my bike seat the other night I was interrupted by someone asking: “Is your seat still wet from this morning?”

Frazzled I looked up. It was The Biker. And he was smiling! We had a brief exchange where I managed not to embarrass myself too much. Something about being prepared and three changes of underwear. Wait. Maybe I did embarrass myself. Anyhow, my point is this: sometimes getting caught in the rain is the best thing that can happen to you.

By kmm | Posted in General Stalking, New Target | Tagged | Comments (0)

Yellow Shoes – 10:45pm 02/23/2010

I don’t know what made me think of Yellow Shoes. He hasn’t been in my thoughts for a while but somehow, on this day, I began to entertain the idea of meeting him for a drink. If you recall, we met at a place of mutual interest a few times until becoming “friends” on Facebook. The timing was wrong and nothing ever came of a proper date. Out of curiosity, I thought I would open that gate again and send him a message.

But… WTF. He “unfriended me” — Really? I can understand this act if we went out and I turned out to be a horrible person. I can understand it if we dated and broke up and everyone’s heart got all tangled up in this web of lies and misery. But none of that happened. Seems a bit dramatic, no? Well thank goodness an obvious disaster was averted. What if all that stuff did happen? I’d probably be dead. So thank you Facebook. Thank you for inadvertently helping me dodge a bullet.

By aqm | Posted in General Stalking, Missed Target | Tagged | Comments (1)

Happy Valentines Day 02/14/2010

By aqm | Posted in General Stalking, Status Update | Comments (0)

Status update : kmm 02/12/2010

Old school dating is not a whirlwind of sexy. It is not making out on a city side street at 2am. It is not sending deviant text messages back and forth all night from across town. I know this. Old school dating is polite. Slower. And maybe for some of you, a little boring. Old school dating is filled with “May I pick you up laters?” and “I am looking forward to seeing yous” and goodnight messages to make sure you are home safe.

Old school dating is spending all evening with someone learning who they are, where they come from, and where they hope to go next. Exploring the differences and finding common ground to tread upon between courses. I like taking things slow. It gives both of you time to make big verbal mistakes and see how the other rebounds. To discover that he gave up on baseball 20 years ago and you have no desire to go back to school and match his four degrees.

Old school dating is taking things one date at a time, not ruling anything out or counting anything in. It is learning who this stranger is and what role he will play in your life. And it is just being happy the first time he reaches down and holds your hand in the dark.

By kmm | Posted in Dating, Status Update | Comments (2)

Status Update : kmm 01/29/2010

The phrase “hanging out” has confused me for years. I use it when referring to getting together with friends. Girl friends. And boy friends. (Even though we all know there’s really no such thing.) I “hang out” with people all the time. This is different from dating.

Hanging out is the equivalent to eating off the free sample plate at your local coffee shop. Sure, you don’t have to commit to one purchase, but you are sharing that same cookie with everyone else. Not really my style. Not everyone washes their hands. I prefer studying the cookies. Inquiring about them. Making a decision. And buying my own. Then, if I don’t like it, I can always buy another. Naturally, I don’t “hang out” with men. I go on dates with them. And since the art of dating seems to be lost on my generation, I am reintroducing the term. A date, as defined by me:

1. Occurs on a weekend night
2. Involves transportation
3. Effort in attire
4. Is arranged at least 24 hours in advance. By phone. Not text.

This leads me to my update. Tonight. I am going on a date. With a man. Set up two days beforehand. Over the phone. He is picking me up. I’m wearing high heels. And even though my date admits that he gave up on baseball in 1988, I’m still willing to give him a chance. See what a difference a phone call makes?

By kmm | Posted in Status Update | Comments (0)

The Interview 01/26/2010

In my line of work, it is not uncommon for me to be sitting across the table from an attractive stranger – coffee cups between us – and talking for an hour. Or two. What is uncommon is for that interview to end and become a conversation between strangers that lasts all afternoon. And it never ends with the subject calling me with follow up questions: Am I free Friday and do I want to grab a drink? But that my dear readers is exactly what happened today.

By kmm | Posted in Conversations | Comments (0)

The Boy Next Door – 12am 01/01/2010

The Eve of the New Year tends to be wrought with impossibly high expectations which is why I tend to keep things simple and cheery as I step out on this night. My fellow stalker and I took to the streets of San Francisco, remanicing on loves gone wrong and toasting to better futures over beer and whisky. 

Although boys were on the brain, they were not on the agenda… Until two cute ones decided to join our little party. The Boy Next Door, a handsome lad with a penchant for 80s music, literally lives on my block. We laughed, we raised our glasses at midnight and after it was over we went our seperate ways in the same direction.  

By aqm | Posted in General Stalking, New Target | Tagged | Comments (0)

The Negotiation – 11:15pm 12/31/2009

When you decide to do a “low key” New Year’s is it by choice or because you don’t have a better offer? I pondered this as I rode to meet AQM at one of our local watering holes for a “low key” evening. (Our choice of course.) We toasted goodbye to a year that seemed to kick everyone’s ass emotionally and economically and focused on making 2010 suck less. It certainly got off to a better start. Enter extremely attractive man. With a sense of humor. And … um … well … everything.

“So. I did the math,” the Negotiator said. “You are two single girls. We are two single guys. And I certainly don’t want to kiss him at midnight.”

I pretended to consider the options.

“Well, I don’t really want to see you two kiss. You are welcome to join our table. But go back. Mull it over. Then we’ll see.”

And join us they did. And there went our low key evening. By choice. And as midnight struck and failed romances of 2009 were left behind, it was kind of nice to have a someone new to lean into.

By kmm | Posted in Encounters | Comments (0)